The Writing Assignment

This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:
      Rebecca {last name deleted} and Gary {last name deleted}

English 44A
SMU
Creative Writing
Prof Miller

      In-class Assignment for Wednesday

      Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The  process is simple.  Each person will pair off with the person sitting
to  his or her immediate right.  One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short story.  The partner will read the first paragraph and
then add another paragraph to the story.  The first person will then add
a  third paragraph, and so on back and forth.  Remember to reread what
has  been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.  The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

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      At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.  The
camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off
Carl.  His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
too much her asthma started acting up again.  So camomile was out of
the  question.

      Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie
with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.  "A.S.
Harris to Geostation 17," he  said into his transgalactic communicator.
"Polar orbit established.  No sign of resistance so far..."  But before he
could sign off a bluish  particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted
a hole through his ship's cargo bay.  The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat  and across the cockpit.

      He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one  last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman
who had ever had feelings for him.  Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless  hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law  Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel."
 Laurie read in her newspaper  one morning.  The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared  out the window, dreaming of her
youth -- when the days had passed  unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspapers to read, no television to  distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things  around her.  "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she  pondered wistfully.

      Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands  of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of  its lithium fusion missiles.  The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks
who pushed  the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through
Congress had left  Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were  determined to destroy the human race.  Within two
hours after the passage  of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on
course for Earth, carrying  enough firepower to pulverize the entire
planet.  With no one to stop them  they swiftly initiated their diabolical
plan.  The lithium fusion missile  entered the atmosphere unimpeded.  The
President, in his top- secret  mobile submarine headquarters on the
ocean floor off the coast of Guam,  felt the inconceivably massive
explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85  million other Americans. The
President slammed his fist on the conference  table.  "We can't allow this!
 I'm going to veto that treaty!  Let's  blow'em out of the sky!"

      This is absurd.  I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

      Yeah?  Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

      You total $*&.

      Stupid %&#$!.

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thanks to a fwd from Jim@LibertyTapes.com (Jim Turney)