Science Answers?

	Actual submissions to science classes all over the USA? 

  "When you breath, you inspire.  When you do not breath, you expire."

  "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

  "To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test

  "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."

  "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygen and Hydrogen.  Oxygen is pure
   gin.  Hydrogen is gin and water."

  "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

  "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

  "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then

  "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

  "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead
   of the bull."

  "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and
   makes them perspire."

  "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more then it can hold."

  "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like

  "The body consists of three parts--the brainium, the borax and the
   abominable cavity.  The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
   the hear and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of
   which there are five--a, e, I, o, and u."

  "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."

  "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

  "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and
   the outsides have been taken off.  The purpose of the skeleton is
   something to hitch meat to."

  "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two
   molars, and eight cuspidors."

  "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon.  All water tends
   towards the moon, and nature adhors a vacuum.  I forget where the sun
   joins in this fight."

  "A fossil is an extinct animal.  The older it is, the more extinct it

  "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

  "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

  "Liter: A nest of young puppies."

  "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

  "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

  "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

  "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

  "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

  "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
   affirmative or negative."

  "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

  "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart

  "For a drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to
   make artifical perspiration."

  "For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above
   the hand instead.  Or put the head between the knees of the nearest
   medical doctor."

  "For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days.  If he has not
   recovered, then kill it."

  "For asphyxiation:  Apply artificial respiration until the patient is

  "For head cold:  Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in
   your throat."

  "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."


Thanks to a fwd from Perry Breitenstein (

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